Learn something every day and you’re growing.

I know it’s been quite some time since I posted, but I finally have something to post about again.  I have been busy with school and loans, so again my apologies.  Have you ever been playing a sport, game, or doing something that was “fun” and then heard another player who was nice a few moments ago turn dr. Jeckel/mr. Hyde on you and start swearing or cursing at you?  The thought of the day is to not take these things to heart.  Usually, when people get wrapped up in an event, they can get frustrated or angered and decide to not censor their thoughts.  Whether it be football, paintball, watching a race, or something completely unrelated.  This is just their frustration coming out, it is not toward you and 9 out of 10 times they will come back to you and apologize for their behavior.  To make this an easier apology just accept it and tell them you weren’t taking the insults personally, because they probably weren’t personal to begin with.    Sorry it’s short, but it is something to think about.

I’m sure you have heard the saying, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.” Ring any bells? Well if you’re anything like me, you tend to micro manage your time.  Squeezing every bit that you can into your already very sleep deprived day.  I tend to do this on a rather regular basis.  I tend to let classes pile up, and I’m not much for procrastinating, though it does tend to sneek up on me once in a blue moon (which are more often than you might think).  On top of my already packed workload of classes, I like to throw work (gotta pay rent and bills right?) and managing my club here at the school.  SPS, student Photographic Society.  When I’m done with that I like to fit in a bit of freelancing work, a photo shoot for a wedding is just one day out of the week.  Then I have to spend my free time doing homework while allowing some time for sleep and sometimes food.  I’m sure you are starting to see where this is leading.

Now, take all those things I just meantoned, and add house chores on top of that.  Simple, yet time consuming things, such as; dishes, vacuuming, laundry, showering (I file that under chores because it’s not an option to not shower in my mind).  I’m sure some people skip these, but I don’t see where you can and still be considered functional in society.  Let alone have someone come over to your house.  Either way, I plan this all into a normal week.  This seems like a lot, but i have every moment of every day planned out, which can lead to mental issues.  These are commonly known as; burnout, stress, breakdowns.  A great way to avoid these is to throw a bit of play time into your day.  I actually have to pencil in my play time, but it is very necessary.

The important part, people, is to not let it distract you from your tasks, but set time aside for specifically having some fun.  This might me 5 minutes to an hour a day or week.  I tend to take tasks I enjoy and spread them out thoughout the day.  While I”m writing papers, or this blog for example, I will write until I get to a certain word count, or finish if I’m close enough, then I’ll get online and chat with my friends for an hour or so.  As well as check my facebook, myspace, linkedin, twitter, etc.  Now, the tough part here is cutting yourself off after an hour.  You can make this work better by promising yourself another hour once the next task is completed, keeping your attention on the task at hand so you can enjoy your fun time instead of worrying about what else you need to complete throughout the day.

This takes away the element of, “all work and no play” and makes it an even mix.  I was driving home from work last night and I saw a sign in front of a church that kinda struck me.  It read “you will never time, you need to make it” and boy can’t I stress how true that is.  This is where it becomes up to you to make time for yourself.  Don’t wait for it to show up, you know your sleep schedule, you know how long things take you, go make a plan.  I enjoy talking and being very social with my friends.  So I tend to do my catching up when I’m walking to and from my car in the morning/night.  As well as I will chat online while I am checking my facebook, this pulls into the idea of multitasking and making the most of that short amount of time you tend to have.

Hope this helped, until next time.

~J.

Hello readers, it has been quite some time since I have wrote on this blog.  A lot of things have been happening with me.  My bf and I broke up, I moved out, school is piling up.  As you can see it’s hard to keep up on some of the smaller things, such as this blog.  Though I do have a bit of wisdom to share today, although I wouldn’t really call it full fledged wisdom.

I’ve always been a fan of shooting stars, and the stars in general.  Last night the earth passed through the tail of Haley’s comet.  This comet only passes our way once every 76 years, so it’s a once in a lifetime experience.  Between the hours of 1am and dawn, the meteors should have been visible.  I walked up the mountain with my friend that I have been walking up with for the past 2 quarters, and we stopped and stared at the stars.  They are wonderful things, the stars.  I honestly believe that I can’t see another shooting star unless it becomes a sort of sign.

This leads me into today’s life lesson.  You can’t always depend on signs to guide you one way or another.  I am one of those believers of sign that point the way, deja vu being a past life you have already lived, shooting stars telling you that you’re doing something right, and other various superstitions.  But in the truth of the matter, it’s all about you who makes the decisions, it’s mostly about how you handle situations.  This is from a friend of mine and his logic of the 90-10 rule.  Where only 10% of any daily situation is out of your hands and the rest of the situation is the 90% of how you react to it.  This has a bit of truth and a small bit of discrepancies that tag along with it.

If you spill milk at the dinner table of your parent’s house, you have the option to either; a. cry, b. get angry, or c. laugh it off.  Now I know this is easier said than done, but if you cry, then you’re crying over something silly such as ’spilled milk’.  If you get angry, then this contributes to misplaced aggression toward the milk, or a more self destructive view of yourself for spilling the milk.  However, in this third instance of everything, if you laugh about spilling the milk and then proceed to clean it up, then where is the harm.  You got a good laugh, you feel good about the situation, and others, if there were any in that situation, like you a bit more and realize that you are more than you appear.

See how this might work out?  I have recently had a move and a few fairly bad situations happen, where I could have easily blamed someone or myself for, thus causing undue stress from the entire situation.  Instead I decided to be happy, cheerful and laugh about the whole thing.  Makeing light of the situation, this, in  turn, has showed people that I’m a happy person no matter wh at life throws at me, and it also shows that I am not very uptight in how I handle a situation.  This also demands a certain type of respect that I would not loose my temper over simple things and that I can handle this situation easily.

Hope this helped you guys,

until next time,

~Ember

It’s a bit depressing, seeing how the young generations treat our elders.  I will admit, I haven’t been the kindest to the elders who are rude to me to begin with, but when first meeting one or first seeing an elder in some sort of establishment, people shun them. I went to visit a photographer recently who meantioned that when he went to Italy, the elders there were so happy to have their pictures taken.  Where as here, they shy away from the camera in order to protect themselves, mostly because of our society and the fact that they know that our society would make fun of them in some way or another.

I was on the bus yesterday, riding home from a long day of work and classes downtown.  The bus was packed, so I stood in the stairwell and held on to the rail with my one hand, and my 16×20” mattboards in the other.  On the walls of this bus are signs, in the front they read “please move to the back” then in the middle “a little further please” and in the back “thank you for moving to the back”.  The front of public transportation is generally reserved for elderly people and handicap people, or people with small children.  I was the only one standing, which I didn’t mind, though our busdriver was not a gentle shifter.  After a few stops, and the trading of equal number of people off and on, an older man got on.  Now this guy had to be in his 70’s or older.  Not a single person moved for him, he struggled to hold on to his handle, I wished at the moment that I was sitting so he could have a seat.  Though I saw people move for a woman and a small child and a woman of a couple, but not the old man who was struggling to stand up on this bus.

I know that a boy, around his 20’s, offered me a seat when one cleared up before he took it, and I refused, stating that my stop was just a few blocks away, but why hadn’t he moved for the old man?  Is it all about looks?  A guy moves for a semi-fit, able bodied girl but will not move for someone who can’t stand up comfortably?  I was almost insulted that he asked me instead of the man.  He was fine, it just kind of infuriated me throughout the whole thing.

It’s really a shame that this happens on a normal basis anymore.  I am a feminist, so I’m always pushing for the fact that women should have equal rights in everything, and yes, I do engage in chivalry once in a while, but this was just common curtosy.  I honestly don’t believe that common anything is so common anymore.

That’s my lesson guys, respect your elders.

I’m in a committed relationship with a guy.  This guy I currently live with, we’ve been together just over 2 years and we have no feelings of wavering from this relationship.  We’ve both been completely loyal and trustworthy, no lies (unless it’s hiding a gift), no deceit.  It’s a healthy relationship until recently, it’s felt a bit distant.  He recently got a full time job across the street, he works the evening shift, meaning he goes in around 11pm.  I still have work and class.. this keeps me at school from roughly 7:30am-10pm or later, daily.  So when I get home I sleep, he’s at work, when I wake up and head to school/work, he;s coming home to go to sleep.

Honestly, when I started this whole thing with him, that bothered me.  And I’m not going to lie and say that it doesn’t bother me at all now, but I’ve accepted it a lot more recently.  This kinda pushes me into today’s lesson.  I’m sure you heard the saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder.  It is very true.

There are some couples that are inseparable at the hip, they do everything together.  They work together, they live together, they sleep together, take classes together.. Eventually they get annoyed by the other person.  This can damage a relationship.  They begin to be suspicious when the other person wants some time alone or out with the “guys”.  This makes a relationship very unhealthy.  In the other case, there is the couple who almost never sees each other.  If they live together the become more like roommates.  This is interesting to see, mostly because this type of couple can get all the romance, feelings, and love into that short time they actually spend together.  This makes a great argument for long distance relationships, or if one of the people goes abroad or travels to visit family, the other is not forced to ‘tag along’ and endure the pain.  They are commonly more trusting with one another and the lines of communication for the two are very open.

Both instances the other person is more like a best friend than a lover.  They tell each other everything, and just have fun being around the other person, to quote a friend of mine “you don’t even have to do anything, just sitting in the same room, him reading and her playing online, can be just as rewarding as dinner and a movie.”  This can be rewarding, the simple times, a lot of people enjoy spending time together.  Or, if they don’t see each other often, when reunited they will just sit and stair at the clouds or stars.  They will share feelings, the daily events, what movies are out, or how that cat they petted today licked their hand for the first time.  It’s all about the time together.  Most relationships could use a little break.  Now by this, I mean for a day or week or so, go travel, I am not insinuating that you go and see other people or cheat by any means!  I want this to be clear.  But plan a night once a week for a whole month, where the girl goes with her friends and does something she wants to do, and the guys goes with his friends.  Don’t text or call each other, just enjoy the night.  Then when you see the other person, see how much it affected you both and your relationship.

Give it a try!!

Today has been one of those days that, no matter what I do short of tapping someone on the shoulder, I’m invisible.  Some days I wish I were invisible to the world, but today I’ve had something to say.  Teachers passed me up for questions, they overlooked me for asking questions to the class and missed me when I raised my hand or started to speak up for answering a question.  Why do we do this?

Sorry this isn’t longer, I’ll try to expand in the morning, I’m off to watch the meteor shower tonight.  Perseid meteorites, totally worth it!

I have a bad habit of undermining my friends.  For whatever reason, I believe this is from my upbringing.  The whole, “you’re never good enough” mentality, so I feel I have to put down my friends in order to make myself feel a bit better.  This is not a good way to be, not a good way to be at all.

Here’s a story that goes along with this, a friend of mine just recently got a promotion that makes him pretty much lead of his job.  Due to his new job, (before I continue, it’s a severely lax dress code, t-shirt and jeans type of job) he began to wear a tie every shift.  Now, he changes it up, dresses it up once in a while, and down at other times.  He’s been fairly creative with it all, which is good, however, I, especially when he started the idea, was a bit resentful of the whole idea.  Mostly because I’ve been in the position before him and then he comes and steps it up a notch that I wasn’t ready for.  I would undermine the whole reason why he did it.  Again, this falls back to my mentality I had as a child, but either way I thought it was alright to just keep telling people “he is higher up so he wants to be ‘better’ than everyone else”.  This is a great example of how not to do things.

I realized this was bothering him and stopped stepping in at all, but this doesn’t change the fact that I did it in the past and was intentionally out to diminish his reputation (not horribly, just with resources to the tie).  The lesson to go along with this is to not undermine anyone or anything.  I recently read a script, without going into detail it shows that a girl undermines her guy and eventually pays for it.  I liked and disliked it for reasons unto my own, however it showed that you just need to understand rather than attacking everything.

I’m an aggressive person, as I know I’ve stated before.  I am also a semi to severely competitive person.  I always use the example that people undermine artwork, but the truth of the matter is, they are undermining the person who created it.  I know that after the tie incident, I felt, and still kinda feel, horrible.  I was essentially trying to be better than my friend, a competitive streak, if you may.  I have been recently paying attention to my actions and how I react to people and things (as part of an experiment and also due to a conversation I had yesterday with a friend over lunch).  This is an experiment you should try, pay attention to how you act.  Record them on paper, then later go in and assess how your handled your everyday situations.  You’ll notice a trend, I can almost promise you.  I’d like to know how you guys act differently when you realize you’re doing a certain thing.  If you wish, post a comment to let me know.  I’m interested guys.

The big thing with me is that I get attached to one person, or a group of people.  The more I hang out with someone, the more my attraction to them as a friend grows.  This leads to the more I time I want to spend with that person and the more I want to do with that person.  Relationships build and build with me.

The main problem with me is that I become overly-dependent on the fact that the relationships I build will always be there.  I act as if they will never leave, as if I will never have to live a day with the person/persons in my life.  As I’ve stated before, people live, they move, and they move on.  I have a few best friends, I have a few close friends, and I have a lot of acquaintances (some of whom used to be friends etc).  The best friend cards get passed around all the time.  They never stop moving from one person to another, it depends on what I am doing and where I am.

Some people build friendships on favors, some on materialistic means, mine is on time.  I try time and time again to change this mentality that I have developed, but it just wont.  I find the main reason I fall for someone, is because they have spent an adamant amount of time with me in the time when I know them, and then as that relationship builds I develop a greater want to be with the person.  Now, this isn’t the case with every person I spend time with, some I will probably never find as more than a great friend, which is sometimes favorable.

Call me an attention whore?  Well, you could easily say that and I wouldn’t disagree, I love time.  What most people don’t realize with me, especially relationships with significant others often don’t realize, is that I don’t really want money, materialistic things, or even romantic gestures as much as I want their time.  I am fairly easy to please, and this has been the problem in my relationship recently.  Though I think it’s been getting better.

Take a look at your friends, take a closer look at how much time you and they (or the single person if you’re thinking one person) spend one-on-one.  Is it a considerable amount of time?  I don’t mean in one fail swoop, I’m speaking in terms of do you go to lunch every day, do you go with them to the store all the time, do you hang out for a few hours on the weekend, do you play video-games non-stop, do you spend a lot of time with them as a whole?  If so then either you or they may be one of these people.  Just something I learned about myself, not really a life lesson today.

This is a lesson I am slowly accepting.  There’s a guy I work with, that I have tried and tried, and continue to keep trying to get along with.  It’s not something he does to me in particular, it’s just that I don’t get along with him.  He can get me fired up so quickly.  I have asked around to why it might be that we don’t get along to people who know both of us.  The best feedback I would have to say that I have gotten is that we are both very assertive with our personalities and that he is a bit narrow minded, which has always been a peeve with me.  It doesn’t matter what the subject is, we just don’t agree almost ever.

He’s a good guy, don’t get me wrong.  Has that mix between south-cali and Boston or Dublin attitude.  He consider’s himself (or so he portrays) to be the greatest thing on earth.  Yes, one of those my crap don’t smell type people.  I have just never gotten along with that type of person, and I attempt to, if only for the sake of working with him.  I can usually look past people who are like him in personality and just ignore them to the point that  I am over whatever they decided to say.  Though with this one I just can’t ignore, he makes attacks on the stupidist things, and yes, I fire back.

For my readers who don’t know my personality, I am a very defensive and sometimes downright agressive person.  This is especially true when you push my buttons on something.  Though as a safeguard, I usually don’t let people know things about me that could potentially hurt me until I believe I can trust them to the fullest extent of my life.  So when I say that when he fires at me, I immediately fire back with almost none, to absolutely no remorse, you know I mean it.  I again want to state that, he has done nothing wrong to me personally other than get on my nerves, but I just get fired up with him and I get fired up with him very quickly.  Some personalities just don’t mesh, ours is an example.  All I can do is grin and bare it!

This lesson kinda popped out of the blue for me.  I was thinking about the age old saying ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer.’  Though I don’t really believe the enemy part myself, I was thinking more on the keep your friends close part.  I believe that you can have and loose friends equally as well.  You might be able to make friends well, this is my area of excel, though keeping them…let alone keeping them close… that’s where I fail.

I am a military brat, so I’m used to moving around all the time.  Every time a new order came in, just pick up and move.  Leave your friends, make new friends, and after some time…loose contact with the friends you had.  This has kinda been eating at me for the past few days.  I realize that this is the longest time I have spent in the same place.  I am great at making friends, especially on short notice.  I could fool almost anyone that I’m extremely shy around people I don’t know, though I can open up to someone once I consider them more than just a common acquaintance.

Now, there’s the situation of keeping friends. You can make friends with almost anyone.  If you are familiar with popular culture, then you know that first impressions are everything, at least in business situations.  This applies to friendships and relationships, both serious and not.  You can’t tell me that if you went to talk to your crush, be it a guy or girl, that you didn’t check your hair in the mirror or at least run your fingers through it to make sure you didn’t have a flyaway or you didn’t check how you looked, at a glance, before seeing this special someone for the first time, or before attempting to become more prominent with them.  Huh?  That’s right, you have done that, or something similar.  That is pulling the first impression.  It may not be the first time you’re meeting this person, but it’s the first time you’re exposing yourself to them, opening up, if you will.

You can get buy with a great first impression, and keep up the gig for a while.  Though after a while you will return to how you were before you fronted yourself.  Realize this and embrace it.  With some of these people that I knew back in the day, and hung out with all the time, went to their houses, parties, and sleepovers.  Thought I really knew them, but after a while you really get to know them and sometimes you don’t realize that they were not the people you thought they were.  On the other hand, they could be better than the people you thought they were, you realize that your personality and theirs mesh really really really well.

After that comes the subject of moving on and keeping friends.  You, or your friends, will more than likely move.  This could be for a number of reasons, they find a significant other, a new job, a promotion, school, kids, etc.  Whatever the case may be, they are still going to be out of your life for a period of time.  That being said, you need to keep in touch with the person, that is, if you wish to remain as close of friends as you once were.  I highly suggest utilizing the technologies of texting, phone usage, and social networking sites (Twitter, Facebook, Myspace, LinkedIn, Skype..).  This will help you keep in touch with them a bit better than snail mail or e-mail only.  Though you should keep at least one thing in mind, that people change, no matter what you do to combat that, they will change!  Sometimes this is for the better, and sometimes it’s for the worse.

The big thing that I find in myself is that if I have been lacking in the keeping in touch thing with my closer friends, they often fall away from me relationship wise.  I eventually loose them completely and barely know who they are.  Though the friends I have that I chat with on an almost daily basis (and by chat I mean more than 1 word answers to questions meant to strike up a very valid conversation), I feel as connected to them as the day before they, or I, left.  The friendship keeps going.  I keep them close, they know almost all my workings of my life.  They know all the events, major and minor, that I would normally tell them or they would know had they been in the vicinity.  This keeps away the awkward feeling and conversations that inevitably happen when you meet an old friend that you don’t talk to on a normal basis.

Just make sure to keep in touch.. that’s all I really have today.